I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
