Don't you send me to vm
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
