Whatcha textin bout Willis?
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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