why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
