I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
