Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
