My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
