Pregnant stripper...not hot.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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