I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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