he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
