hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
