It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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