I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
