somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
wakey wakey hands off snakey
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
