The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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