this just has baby written all over it
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
