I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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