see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
All the doctor said was why
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
