then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
3 2 1 whiskey
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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