even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
