So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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