A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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