i need an iv and a liver transplant
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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