seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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