hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
The beer is more important than you right now.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
