i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
