glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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