Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
