his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
