can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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