id be glad to
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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