she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
