i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
