I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
