im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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