Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
