Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
