You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
