I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
