Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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