i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
