How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
