remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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