I am in a vortex of obligation.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
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