The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I'm having to shit out rocks
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