Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
