i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
