Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
