3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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