Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Randomize
